Fifty Shade Freed *

      Due to her impossibly rich husband Anastasia has got more home help than the Queen of England. But she's feeling romantic and says she'd like to cook for her man. She comes up with what looks like a couple of seriously over done steaks which are as big as house bricks and an unimaginative salad. No wonder he ties her up and whips her.  But when it's Christian's turn to cook he does even worse! I mean, spaghetti bolognaise and he buggers it up! "I'll pay for take away" he says as he slumps against the kitchen bench in resignation.
        What a pair of  no-hopers!  They can't even cook for each other! They deserve the punishment they give each other- although no whips and clamps could compare to the pain of eating the food they cook.

Here's to not having to act in this
shit anymore. Cheers!

      This is the third and final (thank God!) film in the Fifty Shades series. I subjected myself to the other two so it only felt right that I subject myself to this too.  Now who's the masochist?

       It's so bad it's hard to write about. There is next to no plot or story line except for the last twenty minutes, and even then it's about something that happened to someone else, but kind of affects them.

         For most of the film it's like someone said, "Hey look this series is going nowhere, so let's just up the sex and see what happens". So they did and guess what happened? Nothing. The sex they have is absolutely boring.  Do the producers not realise you can't sell a film on sex these days? I mean, there is this thing called the Internet, where the click of a mouse would give any curious person more diverse sex than Fifty Shades could ever hope to emulate.

       She remains a drip and he remains a sulky arrogant prick who is someone's really sick idea of an alpha male. Their personalities are as ugly and shallow as the film. Fail!

      Thank God it's over.